I am in awe of God. My heart is so overfilled with joy and gratitude right now, there are no words big enough to describe what I feel.
There is no moral to this story…no lesson or tidbit that I’m passing on. I am just so enamored with God’s love that I had to tell someone about it. And…since I’m sitting in a hotel room by myself right now, this is the best I could do.
Please excuse the following stream-of-consciousness ramblings. This is what I’m thinking about today.
Sometimes I wonder if music matters. More specifically, I wonder if the music that I make matters. There is so much of it out there…do we really need more? (please don’t misunderstand the point of these wonderings…I’m not fishing for affirmation)
I heard someone say this morning that if we are true to our calling and purpose (that is, doing the things that God has equipped us for) we will have far more impact by accident (by simply being who we are) than we could ever have by striving and trying to have impact outside of our purpose. While it is a fairly constant and ongoing conversation between God and I, I continue to believe that at least part of that calling and purpose that he’s equipped me for is music. I suppose over time, it will be easy to see if that’s true of not based on fruit…but for today, here’s why I’m thinking it’s true.
If I write the way that God has wired me to do so (from my heart…an extension or expression of worship from my soul) than at the very least, God is pleased. It is, at it’s base, one of the ways that I pour out my love and adoration and reverence and awe. Also, my sadness, fear, distress, longing and laments. Certainly, one of the things that I hope is that somehow, somewhere it will be a helpful and meaningful tool for others as they do the same…but if it’s not, I can know that my time hasn’t been wasted and that my depth of love and gratitude for the Father has grown. That’s OK.
Every once in a while, I step outside of my calling and try to write other types of music. I try to write love songs or general songs about life…typical singer/songwriter stuff. They aren’t very good. I can’t describe it or explain it other than to say, God has put a longing for worship deep in my soul…that’s what is truest to me and that’s what I feel most deeply. Consequently, to write with any sort of vulnerability and depth…that’s what I have to write.
I often wish that wasn’t the case, because it seems like such a limiting genre of music. But that is sinful, worldly thinking. The truth is, there is no type of music that is more free of boundaries than worship.